Leave a Lasting Impact: The Generational Benefits of Legacy

The other night, I had a profound “aha” moment. I was watching a live webinar on ‘Resilience – developing strength, calm and kindness in our kids’ presented by Dr Justin Coulsen. Organised through my daughter’s school, this webinar had over 1,000 parents online all of whom were there to learn how to make their “snowflakes” more resilient!

Part of Dr Coulsen’s presentation touched on the resilience research conducted by Professor Marshall Duke, a prominent psychologist at Emory University, in the US. In his research, he uses 20 “Did You Know” questions to gauge a child’s resilience. When I saw the questions I discovered an unexpected yet powerful connection to our own work here at MyStories FOREVER. I was struck by how some of the questions Professor Duke used in his research were remarkably similar to those in our Legacy and Everyday Heroes Question Selectors. This revelation strongly reinforced the immense value of capturing our personal histories – not just for ourselves, but for the resilience and well-being of future generations.

The Power of Personal Stories:

It turns out that understanding our personal history is a key building block in a child’s resilience toolbox. Professor Duke’s research found that children who know their family stories are more resilient, have a stronger sense of identity, and are better equipped to handle life’s challenges. This research adds a layer of importance to why we should ensure we capture our own stories. It’s not about “big noting” or “boring others” with our tales of woe. It’s about creating a rich tapestry of family history that connects generations.

The Oscillating Family Narrative:

I’ve since delved deeper into Professor Duke’s work and one of the research concepts that pricked my interest is the “oscillating family narrative.” This type of narrative acknowledges that every family has its ups and downs – good times and bad times. It’s the realistic portrayal of a family’s history, showing resilience and the ability to bounce back from adversity.

Unfortunately, older generations often think that sharing negative experiences should be avoided. My own grandfather, for example, was one of the first British soldiers to enter and liberate the concentration camp Bergen-Belsen towards the end of World War II. He never spoke about it, no doubt because it was too traumatic. We only knew about it because we’d been told in hushed whispers by great uncles who had different war experiences as Desert Rats and relished sharing their stories.

In turn, my mother mentioned my grandfather’s story to me but she didn’t know the details and suggested “not to bother him” about it. I did try once, near the end of his days, but, as expected, he didn’t want to go there. This was perfectly understandable but from my perspective, I’ve always thought it was a piece of important history within our family that has now vanished.

Having very recently discussed this again with my mother, I’ve only just learnt that 20 years after the war, my Grandfather started having panic attacks on the London Underground because of these memories so now his unwillingness to talk makes more sense than ever. He ended up off work for months with a breakdown. I never knew this before digging deeper into my mother’s personal history. I now have an even deeper understanding of my Grandfather than I did before. Which is why I believe that it’s so important for us to unearth and share these personal histories.  Such stories teach us so much about resilience and the human spirit and have more power if they come from someone we love.

Comparing Questions:

Professor Duke’s Research and Our Question Selector:

Here are some of the insightful questions Professor Duke used in his resilience research:

• Do you know where your grandparents grew up?
• Do you know where your parents met?
• Do you know an illness or something really terrible that happened in your family?
• Do you know the story of your birth?

Now, let’s look at some of the questions from our Question Selector:

• What is your earliest memory of your childhood home?
• Can you describe how your parents met and what their relationship was like?
• What significant challenges or hardships has your family faced and overcome?
• What were your thoughts and feelings when you first became a parent?

To me, the similarity in intent is striking. Both sets of questions aim to uncover the personal and emotional stories that form the backbone of family history. These stories are not about grand achievements but about the everyday moments that shape our identities and connect us to our roots.

Encouraging Action:

This research, and other research I’ve read as I’ve been setting up MyStories FOREVER, plus my personal experiences, have reinforced my belief in the importance of preserving our stories. We don’t have to have scaled mountains or built empires to have valuable stories to share. Each of us has a story worth telling, and these stories contribute to our broader family legacy.

At MyStories FOREVER, we have the tools to help you capture and share your stories. Our Question Selectors are designed to guide you through the storytelling process and to remind you of the experiences you’ve had. Our DIY Guide provides step-by-step instructions for creating your own legacy videos, and our Video Review and Post-Production Services ensure your final product is polished and professional.

We’re also developing a new app to make it easy for everyone to capture their or their loved one’s stories. Why? Because we believe that, in this all too disconnected world, personal history storytelling is IMPORTANT! 

Conclusion:

All you need to do is take the first step. Your stories matter – not just to you, but to your family and future generations. By sharing your experiences, you contribute to a legacy that builds resilience, fosters identity, and connects hearts across time. Let’s create something beautiful and lasting together.

Background:

Background on Professor Marshall Duke’s Research:

Professor Marshall Duke, a prominent psychologist at Emory University, has conducted extensive research on family stories and resilience. His groundbreaking “Do You Know” scale consists of 20 questions that help measure a child’s knowledge of their family history. His findings indicate that children who are more aware of their family stories tend to be more resilient, have a stronger sense of identity, and are better equipped to handle life’s challenges.

Knowing family histories – through an ascending, descending, or oscillating narrative – helps children navigate challenges more effectively. His work, particularly following the events of 9/11, demonstrated that children who were more knowledgeable about their family backgrounds were better equipped to cope with trauma. This sense of ownership and responsibility to family stories not only strengthens individual resilience but also fosters a deeper connection across generations. 

Original Did You Know Questions:

1. Do you know where your grandparents grew up?
2. Do you know where your parents met?
3. Do you know where your parents were married?
4. Do you know what went on when you were being born?
5. Do you know the source of your name?
6. Do you know some things about what happened when your brothers or sisters were being born?
7. Do you know which person in your family you look most like?
8. Do you know which person in the family you act most like?
9. Do you know some of the illnesses and injuries that your parents experienced when they were younger?
10. Do you know some of the lessons that your parents learned from good or bad experiences?
11. Do you know some things that happened to your mom or dad when they were in school?
12. Do you know the national background of your family (such as English, German, Russian, etc.)?
13. Do you know some of the jobs that your parents had when they were young?
14. Do you know some awards that your parents received when they were young?
15. Do you know the names of the schools that your mom went to?
16. Do you know the names of the schools that your dad went to?
17. Do you know about a relative whose face “froze” in a grumpy position because he or she did not smile enough?
18. Do you know about a relative who had a serious illness and they recovered?
19. Do you know the story of how your grandparents met?
20. Do you know the story of how your parents met?